2009 - It was a really good year

As usual, Dec 31 finds me in an introspective mood. I've been thinking about this last year and realizing that it was a really good year. I grew, I learned, I got closer to God.

The things that lead me through the year weren't necessarily all that good. I spent more time at the doctor office this year than I have in the last 4 years combined! Tendonitis, back problems, neck issues, ovaries that unexpectedly needed to be removed, kidney stones, etc. Constantly looking at appointments for physical therapy and follow-up treatments. I learned what an MRI was and that they really are noisy. I had a needle stuck in the front of my neck to get to a nerve at the top of my back. I found out that laparoscopic surgery really means you are only down for a week rather than 6 weeks. I've learned new medical terminology and about new websites that can help me search some of these new terms and possible options to take care of the problems.

I've learned that I might be a whole lot more like my dad with his bad back than I am like my mom (don't we always dread becoming our mothers? -- I guess I should have asked not to become like my dad!). I now know what it is like to be in traction and have my own special traction machine for my neck, and how to deal with my insurance company over seemingly small issues when they tackle the big ones without question!

On other issues

• I've learned so much about friendship and relationships this year -- struggling with the loss of a very special life-long best friend to the reintroduction of college friends into my life. I've purposely put myself into new situations to meet new people and I've stretched myself in current friendships to see if they too can grow. I've investigated ways to change automatic responses and feelings to family situations so that we can move on and move past issues that seem to always be "in the way". Some of it has been painful and a total failure. Some of it has worked well and given me the persistence to keep along this path.


• I've learned to relate to a new daughter-in-law and how to let go of my son, who was THE MOST HANDSOME GROOM on the face of the earth! I'm learning to let both of my children and their spouses get through their lives as their lives and not always think they need "advice". I'm really enjoying just having fun with them as adults and hearing their opinions on the life issues they are experiencing. I talk less; I listen more.


• I experimented with goal setting -- something I'm abysmal at. I'm still pretty bad at it, but I learned a few things. Setting small goals will work -- I just needed to learn what "small" meant. Like the running thing. My first goal should have been to learn to walk! It didn't kill me to state a goal and then to look at it and realize that I was WAY off. I reset the goal and the time line and I'm still working on it.

I've grown so much -- looking at myself as a magnificent creation directly from the hand of God. And for the first time in a very long time I am happy with myself. Yes, I have many areas where I want to and need to change. But I don't always assume now that I am the wrong one, that I'm not worthy, that nothing about me is good enough. I don't stop when something doesn't go the way I anticipated and I try not to keep myself from doing something because I think I might fail or make a fool of myself. I, at least, think about it and try. That's what's new. I think about it and entertain the possibilities. I look at what God would have me do. I consider that most of the time the worst thing that could happen is that I embarrass myself or I have to apologize to someone. And then I do it. "IT" being something I would not have done in the past.

I am so blessed with God's love in my life. His biggest blessing to me this year was opening my eyes to possibilities and not always thinking in concrete "known" patterns. God can do anything. ANYTHING!

It was a REALLY good year!