I am not who I was

I find myself in a very interesting place.

There have been several highly emotional events going on the last few weeks--dealing with intense pain with what may be a herniated disc (MRI results are due tomorrow or Wednesday), Charlie's wedding and all the hoopla that surrounded it, and a friend deciding that it's time to take a hack saw to our relationship. I've been on several different kinds of pain meds including narcotics that really didn't knock the pain down, but did make me feel better. I did some drinking at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I've done my share of crying.

But most of all I find myself trusting that God is in all this. I have found a place where I truly can feel God working. In the midst of some of the hardest, most emotional days I read:

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand
everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24

So many things have gone on during the last three weeks and they could make me crazy. This is where I would have gone a year ago. I would obsess about what I could do to fix things, to make them better. I would worry. I would not ACT on my faith. But today, in this time, I choose to act. I choose not to let distractions pull me away from my faith that God loves me and has my best interests in mind. I choose to focus on God and His love for me.

I am not who I was a year ago. I am not who I will be a year from now. The changing used to scare me, but now it intrigues me. I'm not liking some of the road I am having to travel and I pray that my health and our friendship can be restored. But I'm praying, and truly meaning it, that God does things His Way and that He helps me to hear him.

God is directing my steps and I may or may not understand why. I choose to start using the gift of faith that I have been blessed with. I choose to ACT.