August 21

August 21 is a day of note in my life. It used to be my wedding anniversary. Since the separation and divorce I have not really known how to consider this date and quite frankly, I have been in such an emotional state on every August 21 in the last 4 years that I really didn't think at all. But today is different. Today I can say August 21 is a date of note in my life.

I didn't believe what people said about the fact that thoughts and feelings would be different given time. I didn't want to believe that I would ever be able to let go of the wrenching pain this caused. But now I understand it -- the feelings aren't gone, but time has softened the effect. And for that I am grateful.

I am able today to look at today as "today". The thoughts, the feelings, the emotions are all still there, but I'm able to compartmentalize them and move on. Those years are a treasure and I cherish them. I can look at the memories and laugh, sigh, grimace, and groan. I can praise God for the children and memories that came from the marriage. And yes, I still yearn to be back in that married state, but it is not to be.

I'm in a different place, moving forward. I'm unsure of where God wants me to go, but I know that he has been with me the entire way, gently leading (pushing) me in a different direction. I also know where God wants me to be TODAY and that is with Him.

On another note: I'd been wondering when Misty would start feeling more at home. I got up this morning to find things on the armoire in disarray and some of the tulips on the floor. See the cat tree next to the armoire? She finally figured out she could go up. I laughed. It's almost 11 am and I've left it there. A reminder that new things are happening and life is moving on.