But I won't. I will name this. This is addiction and this is whining. This is the place where I stop trusting God and take over for myself -- and fail miserably. This is where I need to get up and do something -- get my mind off of food, off of failure, and onto the blessings in life. This is where I should cry out to friends and ask for help, but I don't -- because I am weak and defective and addicted.
But tonight I am looking at it in words. Getting it out of my mind and onto paper. Facing it. Admitting it. Remembering that I am powerless, remembering that God is greater than I am and that I have turned my life over to him. Asking God to calm me and to comfort me. Asking God to show me the next step.
And the tulips? They are in full bloom. They are beautiful. I love the fullness of the red and the black edges. The scent is wonderful and a reminder that spring is coming. I'm going to get a big glass of ice water, move the clothes into the dryer, let the dog out, and sit and stare at them for a while...turning my fears over to God.
this comment has to do with your decision to 'blog', to write your innermost thoughts and put them where others can see them and respond. I am proud of you, that you made the decision to do this. It takes more courage than most of us have. Hang in there, live life a day at a time and pray. We, I am praying for you every day. Love--Dad
ReplyDeleteWell, something new for me--it asked me to 'choose a profile'. I dont know what that means so maybe this wont go anywhere. We will see