Be There. Every Day.

Here I am at February 1 and still plowing through the slush of life. I am in a better place and want to keep growing. But getting there is something else. I have all the best intentions. But we know where “intentions” end up. I am trying to tell myself that I am going to do it this time. I don’t know for sure what “it” is, but I am going to do it. I will keep pushing myself.

But…it hurts. It’s hard. Just as I start feeling okay about venturing forward, I feel fear. I don’t know what to think or how to think. I don’t know where I’m going. It’s uncomfortable and frightening. I can see myself sliding into comfort and familiarity so easily. I talk to God. I tell him to keep pushing me. I ask him to give me a billboard because I am blind. I ask him to make me WANT to change.

I realized that I've gotten two out of three answers – God does keep pushing me. I feel it. And this morning in church I got the billboard I asked for. Pastor Brad laid it out in a way that really makes sense to me.

1. Be committed. Be there, for a while, every day, quietly with God. Every day. Be there.

2. Work through the pain. Pain? I’ve had enough pain. More pain? I know that things won’t always go well and changing my attitudes and actions about life won’t be easy—there will be the pain of exercise, the pain of letting go of relationships that aren’t positive, the pain of moving through fear, etc.

3. Keep my eyes on the prize – Eternity with Jesus. I don’t want to keep my eyes on the prize. I want the prize NOW. It’s hard to get up every day saying “Okay, let’s do this one more time”. (I know – read #2 above). However, this prize is the MOST SPECIAL thing ever. So stay focused on it...keep listening and moving towards that prize. Every day. All the time.

My meditation these next few days is Psalm 62:1-2

I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

It just really all starts and ends with “being there”, doesn’t it? My victory comes from him. He is my fortress; my place of safety. I don’t know what it means to say that my God is pushing me, asking me to change; and to say that He is my answer also. He is the cause and the answer. I don’t understand that part of it. But I do believe it.

I will wait quietly before God – today. And again tomorrow.