I wore it all day and SMILED!

I did it; I did it; I did it! Remember the song we used to sing as kids when we got excited, hopping from foot to foot singing "I did it; I did it; I did it!" That was me today. That sweater I wrote about in the first few posts. The one that I was afraid of asking the yarn shop staff about? I finished it. AND I wore it. ALL DAY. AND I LOVE IT!

All of this surprises me. My goal was to knit a sweater that I would wear. I figured I would wear it for 2 hours because this style really wasn't something I would choose for myself and the yarn was way too heavy and woolly. I'd be much too hot and itchy. But it was the pattern for the class and the required yarn. It was a place to start. I was content with that. But I put it on AND I LOVED IT! The round neck did bother me a little, but not bad. It never itched; and yes it would be great it if had been a medium instead of an Xtra Large, but I liked the fit. And I smiled all day.

The other thing that surprised me: I allowed people to see my joy when they complimented me on the sweater. I twirled around to show it all off. I let myself truly enjoy the moments today. What an experience.

Why is it that we don't allow ourselves to feel good about the things we do? Why do we try to hide it when we feel good about ourselves? Is it really wrong to just feel good and let it show? I know I have felt this way for a long time. I can't show too much pride or joy in myself or that will be selfish. I have been one who celebrates with others when they accomplish something they have been working for; I encourage and I compliment. But never to myself. Never ever to myself.

And then I molded my life around that; not acknowledging that doing good things for myself had any value. I closed up and just existed.

Today I felt a little bit like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon. I did twirl and giggle. What fun!