A Place I Don't Know

I've been thinking about change and, in particular, changing how I react when faced with discomfort, fear, anger, etc.  My first reaction is to get some food, and not the good stuff.  Change means that I will want things that are good for me rather than things that are bad for me.  But this scares me--because it is a place that I don't know.  How can I feel safe in a place I don't know?  Where food is used only for energy and not for relief?

I have been told that as I change I will desire the bad things less and the good things more.  I will want things that are good for me.  This isn't even comprehensible to me. I don't know a life without cravings and feeling bad because I ate bad things "again".  Food has always been the enemy; how could I believe that it is actually good for me?  Is there actually such a place?

God tells me that there is. That place is safely in His arms. 

As I look at myself for the last 2 years I can see the growth and the change.  I am much stronger than I ever used to be.  Has He been preparing me for this?  I've been reading about the 6th step - "we are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character" and I realize that I am already thinking differently about food.  I am not bad.  This food thing that I have is not "me", it is a character defect.  I don't know how to say it; but suddenly I can see that this is not about the whole me, it is about a characteristic of me.  And I know that characteristics can change. 

I used to talk all the time - felt it was my duty to fill in the silent spots.  I don't do that anymore.  I did not stand up for myself and now I do, and I find it energizing.  I was fearful of so many things that I was paralyzed when it came to action regarding my future.  I am no longer afraid -- God has me safely in His arms.

So, if I can change some characteristics, I can change others.  I can change how I think about and use food.  I can allow God to take control and I can pray that my desire for bad foods be replaced by a desire for healthy foods.  I can ask for a desire to be healthy and the strength and courage to seek that desire because it honors God.  The thoughts I choose to follow now and the desires I ask for now are creating my future.  And I do believe that I will find that place where food is not the enemy -- and during the journey I will be safely in God's arms.